The Lying Fool

The number of these fools is past all measuring. Their toastmaster and chief is the devil himself, who is called the father of lies.¹ But lies come in very different sizes: some are bound in duodecimo, some in octavo, some in quarto; and those bound in folio are downright abominable.² Folios of that kind were the men whom Moses sent into the land of Chanaan to view it and spy it out. When they came back, every one of them except Caleb and Josue laid it on shamefully thick.³ “Yes,” they said, “the land is noble and fruitful enough; but there are fierce and monstrous people in it, folk and men of such a size that beside them we look like locusts.”⁴ That is what I call laying it on thick.

Lying had its origin in Paradise. There the evil Enemy, speaking out of the serpent, forged two whopping lies. The first lay in the Nequaquam: “No, you shall not die the death.” The second: “You shall be as Gods.”⁵ The one lie as barefaced and as bulky as the other.⁶ And Eve at that time laid it on no less thick. First she said, “God hath commanded us that we should not eat” of this tree. That, saving your reverence, is one lie,⁷ for God had given the commandment to Adam alone. “And that we should not touch it”: that is one more, for God had made no mention of touching. “Lest perhaps we die”: hold on! That is the third, for God never spoke the little word “perhaps” at all.⁸ Ever since our first mother told such tall tales, men for the most part take after their mother.

Few, very few are found who are made like St. Thomas Aquinas. Once, when he was out walking with his companion, the companion suddenly came out with this lie: “Ecce, Pater! Look, Father, there’s an ox flying!” The holy man looked up into the sky and said, “Where? Where?” The companion laughed himself silly at him and said, “I took you for so great a Doctor, and now you believe an ox can fly!” “O my brother,” St. Thomas answered, “my brother, I would sooner have believed that an ox could fly than that a religious could lie.”⁹

Few, very few are to be found in the world who are made like good Lot, with whom two angels in the guise of strangers took lodging. When the godless mob came by night and sought these two young men with all violence, he owned at once that they were with him; he denied it not in the least.¹⁰ He could easily have pretended they had gone on their way. Why, another man would have sworn the devil’s ear off that no such people had ever set foot in his house.¹¹ But Lot, even in the greatest peril of his life, would not tell the smallest lie.

Those soldiers at the Lord’s tomb, because the Jews had paid them handsomely, put about a shameless lie: that the disciples had stolen the body, when all the while they knew that He had truly risen from the dead.¹² Those fellows lied for money. But there are some so light-minded that they will string the biggest lies together for nothing, for less than nothing, as though it were no sin at all. They even count it an art, and a very proper accomplishment, when to pass the time and raise a roar of laughter they can tell tall tales roundly, beyond all count and beyond all bounds.¹³ But they do not stop to think what Holy Scripture says: “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.”¹⁴

Just such a shameless teller of tall tales was the man who let it be known at a public table, in the presence of respectable people, that this had happened to him personally. He was once riding with his master beside a river, and saw a great fishing-net there full of fish; and because he had such a craving for the fish, he spurred his horse into the water. But he was swallowed, horse, saddle and all, by a great fish. Long afterwards some fishermen caught this fish, and when they cut it open and split its head, there he sat in the fish’s head, still in full armour, on horseback. He set spurs to his horse, rode off hale and hearty to his master, and told him everything that had befallen him in the meantime.

Among the rest there was another who related that two years before he had been at Constantinople, just when the Grand Sultan was inspecting his splendid arsenal. Some faults were found there, and the Grand Vizier, who was present, could not sufficiently excuse the negligence; so the Sultan fetched him such a box on the ear that the sparks flew from his eyes. One of the sparks fell into the nearest powder-barrel, the whole arsenal went up in smoke, and the Grand Sultan barely escaped with his life.¹⁵ Go on, then, lie till your mouth goes crooked!¹⁶ Lying fools of this sort will find out soon enough how dearly they must pay for such lies.